I do love how you handle your meals and would like to be better at that. I always thought I really pushed him to be healthy and I know I am not doing a terrible job but I could be better. Now its just hard as it would create a bigger battle to start forcing a fruit with breakfast. He used to always get a banana and/or yogurt with his morning waffles but somewhere along the line he insisted on waffles and cereal (and I will say my hubby used to always feed him breakfast and I think he just caved.) Anyway, I digress. I think the biggest thing I need to learn is to stop making it a big deal. I think each meal becomes a tug or war and what I need to do is just make it a fact. You need to eat what I gave you or go hungry and just let it be. We need to stop spending each meal encouraging him to take a bite but just make it what needs to happen, no discussion needed.

Lately my 5 year old has been asking for dessert on a daily basis. I just tell him that I don’t have anything planned for dessert. I also explain that we don’t eat dessert after every meal or even every day. It is something we have every once in a while. If they eat something from their dinner plate and they ask for dessert, I will offer applesauce or plain yogurt with fresh fruit. They ALWAYS take me up on the offer! :)

They are good eaters and this has worked well with our family. They know about healthy choices and often say they don’t want something because it is not healthy for their bodies.

Becca – I wonder if your little one is having texture issues. Does he have sensory issues? Walk on his tip toes, opposed to certain clothes, textures, sounds, etc.? You may want to check into seeing a pediatric Speech-Language Pathologist that specializes in feeding issues.

BTW, Roni, I just wanted to say I love your site. I just tried your sweet dried herb dressing today and loved it!

I don’t make separate meals but I will take a little meat out from the main batch for the youngest prior to adding sauces. He loves grilled chicken without sauce. I can marinade stuff and we can have sauce on the side for dipping but not ON it. He will eat lasagna now and loves it but won’t eat sauce on his spaghetti noodles.

I can’t keep fruit in the house. Bananas and grapes are gone before I turn my back after putting them on the counter. The eldest eats canned oranges and peaches (no sugar added of course!) two to three at a time. The youngest devours granny smith apples. I also purchase nectarines, plums, and peaches but only during the summer. I’ve noticed if I put fruit on the counter, it disappears but if it is in the fridge, it stays there until it is unrecognizable as fruit. I have to be careful not to buy too much or it gets wilted and no one eats it.

Keep fighting the good fight! :)

I just finished reading your response on this post and saw your kid does not like to take vitamins. Have you tried some of the more kid friendly vitamins? I know online they sell gummy worm vitamins and some shaped like gummy bears.

Also I just wanted to say hang in there. It’s nice to hear he at least enjoys some fruit and vegetables. One of my nutrition professors suggested to put fruit out into candy dishes if you have those around the house for him to much on. If it is out and visible, he is more likely to eat it.

One more thing. I saw in your post that your child has at one point in time vomited during or after a meal. Most of the time, physical effects such as sickness are from a child’s need for control. It’s kind of like a power/comfort thing. I would suggest after a bad meal, bring him a glass of water to make sure he is hydrated (especially if he vomits) and talk to him about what happens when he doesn’t eat or when he gets sick. Also, maybe try encouraging him to eat more foods like chicken or fish he doesn’t enjoy by presenting examples. Just like milk ads use celebrity faces, maybe try and make someone he admires a prime example (he’s successful because of what he eats etc). Or talk about an activity he loves and the benefits of eating more/better to be able to perform better.

Hope some of that helps! Keep Strong

I wish it was easier but I really think you need to stand your ground. I do remember at least 2 nights Ryan went to bed without dinner. Take it one meal at a time. Give him a choice and if he won’t make it, make it for him. Take a deep and know that you are not alone in these battles.

As for staying at the table. I’d let Ryan get down when he said he wasn’t hungry BUT I set the ground rule that if he wanted anything else to eat he’d have to come back to the table and finish. There were many nights where he would not be happy with dinner, he’s take a few picky bites and say he was done. My response was, “ok, if you aren’t hungry then go play, but if you want a treat later your dinner will be waiting.” An hour later he’d say he was hungry and I’d sit him back at the table. I believe one of these times was the going to bed without dinner night. He simply refused and I wouldn’t cave so I sent him to bed without food.

Every kid is different but know what you are going through is quite normal. I hate to say it but you got to keep trucking. It will pay off, I have no doubt.

I love your advice and in a way I have been doing what you said. I am not sure if I am really taking advantage of the teachable moments but I will definitely start. We were doing the “no thank you bite” which is that we have to take one biute and then you don’t have to eat anymore. The problem is that supper was becoming such a battleground that he was not even wanting to come to the table anymore. So then we were also fighting him to just stay at the table and at least eat what he did like. So the last few days I tried a new strategy – ignoring it. We sit at the table and I don’t put anything on his plate and wait for him to ask. He does ask for cottage cheese and sometimes the veggie that he likes. I mean he does eat healhty things like peas and cottage cheese for supper or cheese and a banana but I can’t get him to branch out. I am so sorry that I am rambling back at you again but just wanted to paint the picture a little more. Anyone have advice on if I should go back to forcing the one bite and create mealtime into a literal battle ground (he has actually puked once) or give him some space and time. Maybe if he got back some control he would come around? I am just so scared of doing the wrong thing now and never being able to go back later. I do hope someday he will take the respectful no thank-you bite but I am not sure I can do this right now.

I am sorry, I feel like I am ranting on your blog when that is not what your blog is about but I just could not help but respond to the great conversation that was started.

BTW, I have tried everything like making meals fun and letting him cook. I cut funny shapes, make fun colors. He is picky about everything right down to candy. He will not take vitamins or fortified juices. Nothing.

As a recently child-free, single someone who just six months ago jumped into an instant, pseudo-stepmom role with my boyfriend’s two boys (5 and almost 7), I appreciate any and all guidance I can find. Fortunately, they are fairly good eaters already and both LOVE every fruit I’ve ever put in front of them… but we do battle on the veggies now and then. I don’t require them to eat a lot of something they don’t like, nor do I ask them to clear their plates. But they DO have to at least try everything presented, and I do NOT do alternate meals. If they refuse what I’ve cooked or pick the veggies out of my one-dish meals, fine… but they don’t get anything else to eat. And they nearly always seem to come around, eventually. ;-)

Even long before stepping into these shoes though, I used to tell this to a close friend whose daughter would eat nothing but chicken nuggets and mac-n-cheese – “OF COURSE she won’t eat anything else if you only ever give her this.” As others have said, kids are NOT gonna starve themselves.

For Becca – maybe try fruits or other naturally sweet foods, or perhaps vary what you put on the crackers. how about making good foods fun, like using cookie cutters to make shaped sandwiches or Roni’s fabulous sandwich sushi idea. (my boys LOVE a rolled up wheat wrap with low-fat cream cheese and all-fruit spread – you could try it with peanut butter and jelly too!)

I will definitely be talking to my kids in those terms about it. Such a great way to put it. I have always stressed the “respect the cook” thing (since it’s usually me, LOL).

Keep up the good fight!

I also taught them to not make faces about food. That just because you don’t like it doesn’t mean someone else doesn’t. I find it very disrespectful when people make a face and say ewww at a food. It especially bothers me when adults do it. For crying out loud…..just say no thank you and move on.

One of my boys is now a chef and the other will eat anything put in front of him and loves to try new cuisines.

PERHAPS, try having your son go shopping, cook with you. I know it may seem like a chore at first, but even if you let him do one thing and then he runs off..I think it builds up. Make smoothies and when he’s not looking throw spinach in it “green monster” and he won’t know.

it’s about involved I think as much as it is insisting.